Noviembre de 2008

The little girl and the priest's prayer

COLOCADO POR: Rowland Croucher
FECHA: 3 Nov 2008

The Sermon I think this Mum will never forget... this particular Sunday sermon...

'Dear God,' the Priest began, with arms extended toward heaven. 'Without you, we are but dust...'

He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice,

'Mum, what is butt dust?'

COMENTARIO: ¡Gracias, pero yo no deseo saber qué es eso! PUNTO.

What Do You Do All Day?

COLOCADO POR: Rowland Croucher
FECHA: 16 Nov 2008

What Do You Do All Day?

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'

She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me sarcastically what in the world I do all day?'

'Yes,' was his incredulous reply.

She answered, 'Well, today, I didn't do it.'

COMENTARIO: ¡Bueno que le pase al él, por menospreciarle a ella sus labores del hogar!

Good Question

COLOCADO POR: tictac
FECHA: 2 Nov 2008

A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend, in California. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just scratching his nuts—something she seemed to love to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do you love doing that?'

'Because,' she replied, 'I really miss mine.'

COMENTARIO: ¡Oh, oh! ¡Oooh, oooh! ¡OOOOOOOOOOH, OOOOOOOOOOH! (Y a todo esto... ¡déjenme irme, antes que a ella se le ocurra... esteeeeeeeeee... algo que yo tenga que lamentar después!)

Home Shopping

COLOCADO POR: Timantide
FECHA: 6 Nov 2008

Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.

Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"

Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"

Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."

Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."

Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?"

Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"

COMENTARIO: No es por alabar a estos dos individuos... pero ¡qué classse 'e bestias!

What Was That For?

COLOCADO POR: Timantide
FECHA: 11 Nov 2008

Dave comes home from work early one day.

He walks in to the kitchen and sees his wife on her knees, scrubbing the floor. He watches the rhythmic movements of her bum stuck high in the air for a few seconds, before he can't take it any more.

Without a word, he lifts up her skirt, slides in and gives her the pounding of her life until they both orgasm loudly. Then he zips himself up, gets to his feet and kicks her up the arse as hard as he can.

"What the fuck was that for?!" she screams at him.

"That was for not turning round to see who it was," he replies.

COMENTARIO: ¡Ey ey ey! ¡Un momentito! Esa casa no está en mi ruta, así que a mí ni me miren...

How come I can't make friends?

COLOCADO POR: Timantide
FECHA: 11 Nov 2008

A bloke goes to see a psychiatrist. He lies down on the couch and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. I've got the most terrible problem, I just can't seem to make any friends."

The doctor nods and starts to make some notes.

The man continues, "so come on! What are you going to do to help me, you fuckin' fat, ugly bastard?"

COMENTARIO: Ah, pues mira, so ca...nto 'e leña, ¡acabas de encontrar la respuesta a tu propio dilema! ¿OK?

Couple of days late

COLOCADO POR: tomdzip[AT]gmail.com
FECHA: 29 Nov 2008

NOTA: Yo creo que el título significa que el autor se quedó dormido, de tanto pavo que habría comido...

***THE THANKSGIVING TURKEY***

Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and assuage my guilt?"

"Certainly not," said the priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."

"I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?"

"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family."

Thanking the priest, Brian hurried off.

When confession was over, the priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his Thanksgiving turkey.

COMENTARIO: Y el sacerdote se quedó sin pavo... ¡santo y bueno!

Thank you

COLOCADO POR: Timantide
FECHA: 29 Nov 2008

I'd just like to thank all those people who have taken the time to put lovely bouquets of flowers by the side of the road. It really brightens up my drive to work.

COMENTARIO: Quiero discrepar aquí. Yo comenzaría por darle las gracias a la industria licorera y de cervezas, y luego a la industria automotriz, por la encarecida aportación de ambas industrias al embellecimiento de nuestras carreteras. ¡Esto no pare más!