Octubre de 2008

Financial news from overseas

COLOCADO POR: Clothahump
FECHA: 3 Oct 2008

COMENTARIO: Con la reciente aprobación congresional de la liquidación del sistema bancario en los EE.UU. por US$700 mil millones, no les sorprenda que la reacción en los bancos japoneses sea algo así como esto:

Following the problems in the financial sector in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.


FECHA: 5 Oct 2008

It was Schneider's birthday, and that morning there was a knock on the door.


He opened the door excitedly, "Is it a singing telegram?"  Schneider asked the messenger boy.

"No Sir.  We don't do singing telegrams anymore."

"I've always wanted a singing telegram.  Can't you bend the rules and make an old man happy?"


"Please," begged Schneider.  "Today's my birthday."

"Oh, all right," said the boy,

"Dah-dah dee... dee-dee-dah, your sister Ruth is dead!"

COMENTARIO: ¿Querías un telegrama cantado?  ¡Pues toma tu telegrama cantado!  (Y a todo esto, ¿qué tal si a Schneider se le hubiera ocurrido exigir que el telegrama le fuera entregado por una stripper, eh?)

Girl with a problem!

COLOCADO POR: Rowland Croucher
FECHA: 6 Oct 2008

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.  The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"

The mother says, "It's my daughter Carla, she keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings."

The doctor gives Carla a good examination then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this but your Carla is pregnant—about 4 months would be my guess."

The mother says, "Pregnant?!  She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man!  Have you Carla?"

Carla says, "No mother!  I've never even kissed a man!"

The doctor walks over to the window and just stares out it.  About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"

The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill.  I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

COMENTARIO: ¿"Perderse eso esta vez"?  Si ver la recua de unidades móviles de los medios noticiosos estacionadas frente a su consultorio no le dice nada...  Y a todo esto, tanto la niña como su madre, ¿serán así de... esteeeeeeeeee... ingenuas?

Heavy Thinking

COLOCADO POR: Rowland Croucher
FECHA: 15 Oct 2008


It started out innocently enough.  I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up.  Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone—"to relax," I told myself—but I knew it wasn't true.  Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job.  I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka.  I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either.  One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life.  She spent that night at her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker.  One day the boss called me in.  He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem.  If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."  This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss.  "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver.  "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry.  I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with a PBS station on the radio.  I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open.  The library was closed!

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye.  "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?," it asked.  You probably recognize that line.  It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.  I never miss a TA meeting.  At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Dumb and Dumber."  Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.  Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

COMENTARIO: No creo que haya un testimonio más conmovedor que éste.  Prueba de que una persona puede superar los obstáculos y buscar su felicidad, sin tener que recurrir a esa materia gris que Dios le dio.  ¡Aplauso, please!

Why dogs are not in politics............

FECHA: 23 Oct 2008

* They work well together.

* They work for the good of the pack.

* They protect their young and their elders.

* They do not kill indiscriminately.

* They do not lie, cheat or steal.

* They won't spend money redecorating the White House.

* They do not read Newspapers, watch TV or give interviews.

* Their don't wear designer clothes.

* They don't ask you to indulge in their fantasies.

* They can be NEUTERED!

COMENTARIO: The more I know about men the more I like dogs.  (Gloria Allred, n. 1941, abogada y feminista estadounidense.)

TV In Cars

FECHA: 23 Oct 2008

TV in cars are becoming more and more popular these days.

My uncle has a TV set in his automobile, but it led to a little trouble.

You see, he was sitting in his car watching TV while his wife was driving on the highway at sixty miles per hour.  Then the commercial came on and he stepped out to go to the bathroom.

COMENTARIO: ¡Adió', cará'!  ¿No podía él esperar a que ella se detuviera... aunque fuese junto a un pastizal alto?

Created on October 5, 2008.  Last updated on April 10, 2009.
© 2008 Luis Daniel Beltrán-Burgos.  All Rights Reserved.