Junio de 2008

So Hot

COLOCADO POR: dick_thrust[AT]hotmail.co.uk
FECHA: 2 Jun 2008

"Ohoo, Arhh, Ohoo, Arhh," her whole body drip with sweat as she neared the end of her journey.

"Ohoo, Arhh, Ohoo, Arhh, Oh God I’m exhausted. Ohoo YES! That's so good. You know next time we do it, I think we should wear our shoes. Running across that hot sand for a paddle in the sea is a killer!"

COMENTARIO: ¿Que qué? ¿ESO era? ¿Bueno y ustedes en qué estaban pensando?

The Belly Dancing Babe

COLOCADO POR: dick_thrust[AT]hotmail.co.uk
FECHA: 2 Jun 2008

"Hey look at your wife on stage, she’s really getting into the spirit of things. Her belly dancing is as good as the professionals, look at the way she’s shaking it."

"Well, she went to a class back in England and had a few lessons. That’s probably helped. That and the ice-cube I slipped down her pants when she volunteered."

COMENTARIO: ¡Qué bonito! ¡Así cualquiera se presta como "voluntario"! Ahora bien, ¿qué hubiera sucedido si ella hubiese tomado clases de stripper?

The Hypocrite

COLOCADO POR: dick_thrust[AT]hotmail.co.uk
FECHA: 2 Jun 2008

“My boyfriend is such a cheat and a liar!” shouted Sue, “I’ve been going with the guy for nearly a year now and not once did he mention that he’s married.”

“Oh that’s terrible.”

“Yeah. What a hypocrite! I’d probably never have found out. I heard purely by chance when it was mentioned the other day by my husband.”

COMENTARIO: ¡Un momentito! ¿Quién de los dos es más hipócrita?

Happy Father's Day, guys!

COLOCADO POR: Larry Krzewinski
FECHA: 15 Jun 2008

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say:

10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude... I like that.

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car — GO CRAZY.

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend... you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies — you know — that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring — now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1. Father's Day? aahh — don't worry about that — it's no big deal.

Traveling man

COLOCADO POR: tictac
FECHA: 15 Jun 2008

A tourist from New York was hiking through the mountains of North Carolina when he came upon the tiniest cabin he had ever seen in his life.

Intrigued, he went up and knocked on the door. 'Anybody home?', he asked.

'Yep,' came a kid's voice through the door.

'Is your father there?', asked the tourist.

'Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,' said the kid.

'Well, is your mother here?'

'No, she left before I got here,' said the kid.

'But,' protested the city slicker, 'are you never together as a family?'

'Sure, but not here,' said the kid through the door. 'This is the outhouse!'

COMENTARIO: ¡Qué turista más bruto! Y que no reconocer una letrina de campo... Eso suele pasarle (como lo vi escrito alguna vez en un anuncio en el periódico) al "hombre que BIAJA" (sic)...

Mexican Eggs

COLOCADO POR: Timantide
FECHA: 16 Jun 2008

Two Mexicans are on bikes along U.S. Hwy 52 about 15 miles outside of Lafayette, LA.

One of the bike's tires goes flat and they start hitching a lift back into town.

A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Mexicans ask him for a ride.

He tells them he has no room in the Trailer as he is carrying eggs.

The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit into the back with their bike, will he take them back into town, and he agrees.

They manage to squeeze themselves and their bike into the back and the driver shuts the doors and gets on his way.

By this time he is really late and so puts the hammer down.

Sure enough "Old Smokey" pulls him over for speeding.

The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which the driver jokingly replies "Mexican eggs".

The Cop obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look in the trailer.

He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.

He gets on his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible plus the Swat Team.

The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers.

"I've got a Tractor-Trailer stopped with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it... two have hatched and they've managed to steal a bike already. I need help!"

COMENTARIO: Si es cuestión de "poner un huevo", el distinguido agente del orden público se ha llevado el premio mayor. ¿Será tan bruto el guardia ése?

Can you read a map?

COLOCADO POR: f_ Anon
FECHA: 20 Jun 2008

Q: Why are men better then women in reading maps?

A: Because only a man can look at 2.5 centimeters and imagine it to be a mile.

COMENTARIO: Así que por eso es la fascinación de algunos varones... ¡con los mapas!

Camping Trip

COLOCADO POR: tictac
FECHA: 26 Jun 2008

The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet. The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.

"That's okay with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire."

About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her bottom is blue.

"What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.

"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"

"Those troublemakers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts. He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.

"Who is the jerk who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.

A huge man steps forward, about 6' 8", 300lbs of solid muscle with a shotgun in his hands. "I did it," he bellows. "What you got to say about it?"

The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint is dry."

COMENTARIO: Me imagino que después de eso, a la dama le darán una mano COMPLETA de pintura...

One Stop Shopping

COLOCADO POR: Susan[at]Miraweb
FECHA: 23 Jun 2008

ACLARACIÓN: A diferencia de los Estados Unidos, los WalMart establecidos en Puerto Rico no están legalmente autorizados a vender armas de fuego (hasta donde yo tenga conocimiento). — LDB.

So, I'm walking through WalMart and my eye catches a fake-flower bridal bouquet (with box!) at the end of the aisle.

I wondered, I have to admit, what bride would pick up her bouquet at WalMart? Then I realized I was observing WalMart's marketing brilliance at work.

The bridal bouquets were only three aisles over from the shotguns...

Bank Robbery

COLOCADO POR: tictac
FECHA: 30 Jun 2008

NOTA: No estoy diciendo con esto que un asalto a un banco, perpetrado por un asaltante a ese grado de desesperación, no sea una cosa seria, ¿OK? ¡Que conste! — LDB.

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.

He shouts "this is a raid — everyone get on the floor!!", and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.

As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts... "Did anybody else here see my face?"

The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also.

"Did anybody else see my face?" he shouts again, waving his gun around. There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner...

"I think my mother-in-law caught a glimpse...."

COMENTARIO: ¡Qué bonito! Eso es peor que si este otro señor halara el gatillo en lugar del asaltante...

Confession

COLOCADO POR: tictac
FECHA: 30 Jun 2008

Jill: You wouldn't believe how inexperienced with women my ex was when we first married.

Mary: How bad was he?

Jill: On our wedding night, he tried to inflate me.

COMENTARIO: ¡Ay, pero qué individuo más bestia! Si yo fuera "Jill", hace rato lo hubiera dejado a él y me hubiera ido—como la canción de Kany García—"con mi amigo en el baño"...