Mayo de 2006
El supermercado
COLOCADO POR: no!
FECHA: 10 May 2006 16:24:20 -0700
MESSAGE-ID: <1147303460.023100.169820@g10g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>
Una viejita fue al súper y puso en su canasta las latas más caras de comida para gato. Luego fue a pagar. En la caja, le dice con orgullo a la cajera: "Sólo compro lo mejor para mi gatito". La cajera le responde:
"Lo siento, pero no le podemos vender comida para gato sin que usted tenga pruebas que tiene un gato. Muchos ancianos compran comida para gatos, y por necesidad luego ellos mismos se lo comen, la gerencia quiere pruebas de que usted está comprando la comida realmente para su gato".
La viejita se fue a casa, agarró su gato y lo trajo a la tienda y le vendieron la comida para gato.
Al día siguiente, la viejita fue a la tienda y compra 12 galletas para perro.
La cajera esta vez le exige prueba de que ella también tenía un perro, alegando que muchos ancianos a veces comen hasta comida para perro.
Frustrada la viejita fue a casa, regresa trayendo a su perro. Finalmente le dieron las galletas para perro.
Al siguiente día ella trajo en una pequeña caja que tenía un hueco en la tapa. La viejita le pide a la cajera que metiera su dedo en el hueco de la caja.
La cajera dijo, "No, quizá usted tenga allí una serpiente".
La viejita le asegura que no habrá nada en la caja que le mordiera.
Entonces la cajera rápidamente mete y saca el dedo del hueco de la caja y le dice a la viejita:
-"Esto huele a mierda".
La viejita con una sonrisa de oreja a oreja le dice a la cajera:
"Ahora, querida, ¿puedo comprar tres rollos de papel higiénico...?"
COMENTARIO: ¡Y no me vengan a decir que la cajera no se lo buscó!
Ancianitos
COLOCADO POR: El Meda (Ing. Remberto Gómez-Meda)
FECHA: 11 May 2006 05:58:13 -0700
MESSAGE-ID: <1147352293.867665.39590@i39g2000cwa.googlegroups.com>
Una viejita le dice a la otra:
"M'ija, estoy tan cansada que se me durmió el fundillo"
"Si ya se, hace unos minutos lo escuché roncar"
Llega una viejita a la cárcel el dia de la visita conyugal y le dice al portero:
"Señor, yo vengo a la visita conyugal"
El portero asombrado le pregunta:
"Pero señora, con quién?"
"Con cualquiera, con cualquiera..."
Un viejito le dice a otro:
"Imaginate que me compre un audifono buenisimo para la sordera!"
"¿Sí? Cuanto te costo?"
"Las 5:30"
COMENTARIO: ¿Así de bueno es ese aparato para la sordera?
Técnica para deshacerse de Telefónica... O de cualquier otro operador de telefonía
COLOCADO POR: Feranando Perales Teurlais
FECHA: 27 May 2006 07:24:36 +0100 +0100
MESSAGE-ID: <e58nqm$96h$1@nsnmpen3-gest.nuria.telefonica-data.net>
Suena el teléfono...
- ¿Dígame?
- Buenos días, ¿podría hablar con el titular de la línea?
- Soy yo mismo
-¿Me dice su nombre por favor?
- Juan Luis
- Señor Juan Luis, le llamo de Telefónica para ofrecerle la promoción de instalar una línea adicional en su casa en donde usted tendrá derecho a...
- Disculpe la interrupción, pero, exactamente ¿quién es usted?
- Mi nombre es Judith Maciel, de Telefónica y estamos llamando...
- Judith, discúlpeme, pero para nuestra seguridad me gustaría comprobar algunos datos antes de continuar la conversación, ¿le importa?
- ...No tiene problema señor
- ¿Desde que teléfono me llama? En la pantallita del mío solo pone "NUMERO PRIVADO"
- 1004
- ¿Para qué departamento de Telefónica trabaja?
- Telemarketing Activo
- ¿Usted tiene número de trabajadora de Telefónica?
- Señor, me disculpe, pero creo que toda esa información no es necesaria...
- Entonces tendré que colgar porque no tengo la seguridad de hablar con una trabajadora de Telefónica
- Pero yo le puedo garantizar...
- Además, yo siempre estoy obligado a dar mis datos a toda una legión de empleados siempre que llamo a Telefónica para algo.
- Está bien...mi numero es 34591212
- Un momento mientras lo verifico, no se retire Judith.
(Dos minutos)
- Un momento por favor, no se retire Judith
(Cinco minutos)
- ¿Señor?
- Solo un poco más, por favor, nuestros sistemas están lentos hoy.
- Pero...señor...
- Si, Judith, gracias por la espera. ¿Cual era el asunto de su llamada?
- Lo llamo de Telefónica, estamos llamando para ofrecerle nuestra promoción Línea Adicional, en la que usted tiene derecho a una línea adicional. ¿Usted estaría interesado, D. Juan Luis?
- Judith, voy a tener que pasarle con mi mujer, porque es ella quien decide sobre la alteración o adquisición de planes de Telefónica. Por favor, no se retire.
(Coloco el auricular del teléfono delante de un altavoz de la cadena de música y pone el CD de Caribe Mix 2004 con el Repeat activado. Sabía que algún día, esa droga de música sería útil. Después de sonar el CD entero, mi mujer atiende el teléfono):
- Disculpe por la espera, gracias... Me puede decir su teléfono pues en la pantallita del mío solo aparece "NUMERO PRIVADO".
- 1004
- ¿Con quien estoy hablando?
- Judith
- ¿Judith que más?
- Judith Maciel (ya demostrando cierta irritación en la voz)
- ¿Cual es su numero de trabajadora de Telefónica?
- 34591212 (mas irritada todavía)
- Gracias por la información ¿en que puedo ayudarla?
- La llamo de Telefónica, estamos llamando para ofrecerle nuestra promoción Línea Adicional, en la que usted tiene derecho a una línea adicional. ¿La señora estaría interesada?
- Voy a abrir una incidencia y dentro de algunos días entraremos en contacto con usted para darle una decisión, ¿puede anotar el numero de incidencia por favor?...¿hola?, ¿hola?
- TUTUTU TUTUTU TUTUTU TUTUTU...
COMENTARIO: ¡Dichoso yo si pudiera hacerle esto mismo al (a la) vendedor(a) de mi compañía de Cable TV, cada vez que me llaman "a las tantas de la noche" para hacerme alguna oferta!
NOTA PARA LA HISTORIA (REVISADA EL DÍA 11 DE MAYO DE 2006): El día en el que se colocó el siguiente mensaje (1 de mayo de 2006), más de 95 mil servidores públicos del Estado Libre Asociado de Puerto Rico (entre quienes está el que les escribe) se vieron forzados a acogerse a una "licencia sin sueldo" prevista para los meses de mayo y junio de 2006, debido a una insuficiencia de fondos públicos para pagarles sus salarios durante ambos meses. Sin embargo, al día en el que estoy revisando esta nota, la situación que provocó el cierre de las agencias públicas en Puerto Rico estaba en vías de solucionarse, mediante un acuerdo entre las ramas ejecutiva y legislativa que permitiría el regreso de los servidores públicos a sus labores el día 15 de mayo de 2006.
Si bien no he querido apartarme de la tónica de humor de este sitio 'web', mi intención original fue la de colocar lo que sigue como una metáfora de la situación que muchos de nosotros estaríamos enfrentando durante el tiempo en el que no pudieramos hacer la honrosa labor que nos compete como servidores públicos. De todos modos...
Dedico lo siguiente a todos mis compañeros en el servicio público en Puerto Rico, porque tenemos la voluntad para sobrevivir... ¡Y SOBREVIVIMOS! — LDB.
A Lawyer's Generosity Knows No Bounds
COLOCADO POR: * irenic * (Rowland Croucher)
FECHA: 1 May 2006 20:59:01 +1000
MESSAGE-ID: <4455e9f5$0$7605$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au>
One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate the situation. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
Shocked, the lawyer said, "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you."
"But sir. I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he said, "You come with us, too."
The second man said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all!" the lawyer answered. They all jammed into the huge limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
Genuinely touched, the lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"
COMENTARIO: ¡Espérenme ahí! No se vayan a comer toda la yerba, por favor...
Naive User Stories
COLOCADO POR: Bluegrass For Breakfast
FECHA: 4 May 2006 7:20:01 -0800 +0100
MESSAGE-ID: <S17d8.7b72@netfunny.com>
[Ed: Looks like this was collected from the various discussions of this in comp.misc a long while ago.]
Computer Stories from a Field Service Engineer
When I worked for a company that had a contract with 3M, 3M had asked me to write them a memo describing why we were having problems with diskette failures. I said in the memo that the disks were failing due to head crashes. "If the customers would just clean their heads periodically, we wouldn't have these problems," I said in the memo. One customer responded with "What kind of shampoo do you recommend?"
¡Caramba! Si se lo están diciendo claramente... HEAD & Shoulders!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An end-user hotline received a call about a bad software disk. They asked the customer to make a copy of the disk and mail it in to the hotline. A few days later, they received a letter with a mimeographed copy of the disk. Since it was a double-sided disk, both sides of the disk had been xeroxed.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Computer Operator says as she is lifting an RP06 disk pack from the drive: "Gee, how much does one of these weigh?"
Me: "It depends on how much data is on the disk....
The operator believed it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a similar experience while working as a student operator at Michigan Tech. One particularly trying afternoon, the computer was merrily crashing for a number of reasons. After about four such spectacles, we broadcast that the computer would be down for the remainder of the afternoon. There was a resigned groan from the users and they began to file out of the Center, except for one comely young woman with wide blue eyes who wandered up to the counter and queried:
"What's wrong with the computer?"
Too tired and irritated to give her a straight answer, I looked her straight in the eye and replied: "Broken muffler belt."
A look of deep concern wafted into her expression as she asked: "Oh, that's bad. Can you call Midas?"
¡Muy tarde! Se acaban de llevar la computadora a Pep Boys.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I work for University Computing Services answering questions about any and all aspects of computing here, and as a result I run into some truly astonishing mental densities... A few excerpts from the Helpdesk:
Caller: "What's the name for when you're entering data into the computer?"
HD: "Data Entry."
Caller: "Thank you!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Overheard in a student computer lab:
Client (raising hand and waving frantically): "The computer says 'Enter your name and press RETURN.' What do I do??"
Lab Assistant: "Enter your name and press RETURN."
Client (as if a revelation has struck): "Oh!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another friend of mine in a similar situation reports having a student in the lab one day, who had to abort out of the SET PASSWORD sequence because he couldn't think of a six-letter word.
Three Bulls
COLOCADO POR: Dave
FECHA: 4 May 2006 19:30:52 -0600 +0100
MESSAGE-ID: <72995$445a8f09$41d39e70$753@picsnet.allthenewsgroups.com>
Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says, "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't' givin' him any of mine."
The second bull says, "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."
The third bull says, "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
The first bull says, "Ahem...You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."
The second bull says, "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.
The first bull says, "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
The third bull says, "Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!"
COMENTARIO: Digo, es mejor precaver...
A Parable About Nickels and Dimes
COLOCADO POR: needles
FECHA: 9 May 2006 13:35:30 -0600
MESSAGE-ID: <cqKdnT40a66fcv3ZnZ2dnUVZ_tWdnZ2d@bresnan.com>
Young Liam hung out at the local supermarket where the other boys would constantly tease him.
They told him he was one sandwich short of a picnic.
To prove their point, they would offer Liam his choice between a nickel and a dime.
Liam would always take the nickel. One day after Liam had chosen again, the manager of the supermarket took aside and said, "Liam,those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel?"
Liam looked up at the man with a sly grim and said "Of course I know that. But if I took the dime they'd quit asking me to pick. And so far I've made $20 off them."
COMENTARIO: Así que... ¿quién es el más listo?
Bearly Evangelism
COLOCADO POR: Charles Oakes
FECHA: 12 May 2006 19:30:01 -0800 +0100
MESSAGE-ID: <S17e1.4202@netfunny.com>
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a Rabbi, all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast, and traction, with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.
The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start..."
COMENTARIO: ¡UY UY UYYYYYYYYYY!
Dating Quiz
COLOCADO POR: Bart Schorsch
FECHA: 13 May 2006 19:20:02 -0800 +0100
MESSAGE-ID: <S17e2.7dd2@netfunny.com>
I'm Not Bitter Quiz-o-Rama
As many of you know, through recent events, I am a single man, once again. Since my last few affairs of the heart have been flops (in much the same way as the Titanic was a little flop), I have decided that in the future I shall be screeening all of my future dates with this highly scientific quiz. Enclosed is a quiz I shall hand out to any future dates. Also, I'm not bitter.
Instructions: Please answer each question as honestly as possible. Bart will grade your responses and get back to you.
1) A woman's place is in the:
a) House (or Senate)
b) Bedroom
c) Office
d) Sitting in a deep dark cellar plotting to cut a man's entrails out and leave it as food for wild jackals
2) When singing in the shower, I will most likely sing:
a) "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park"
b) "Material Girl"
c) "I Touch Myself"
d) Theme from "Psycho"
3) The perfect Christmas gift is:
a) Expensive perfume or intimate evening wear
b) Flowers, a backrub, bubble bath, and a hand-written love sonnet
c) Six-pack of Bud, Domino's Pizza, and an evening of QVC
d) Whips, knives and red-hot irons
4) A woman's hairstyle should:
a) Gently accentuate her best features
b) Not resemble a poodle
c) Hide the lobotomy scars
d) Cover the little "666" on the back of the skull and not reveal the demon-horns
5) My personal role-model is:
a) Hillary Clinton
b) Ruth Bader-Ginsberg
c) Daisy Duke
d) Lorena Bobbit
6) When it comes to cars, I:
a) Take good care of my car and change my oil regularly.
b) <giggle> What's oil?
c) Think fuzzy dice are _cool_!
d) Want a Mercedes... NOW!
7) If you man wants to date me, he must also like my:
a) Family
b) Pet rock
c) Therapist
d) Furniture
8) I have a subscription to:
a) Newsweek and the Wall Street Journal
b) Analog and Rolling Stone
c) National Enquirer and T.V. Guide
d) Weekly Reader
9) I want to have ___ children.
a) Any number, as long as they are healthy
b) Some
c) Your
d) Well-dressed
10) My list of favorite authors include:
a) William Shakespeare
b) Maya Angelou
c) Chairman Mao
d) Marquis DeSade
11) A romantic evening is best spent:
a) Before a roaring fire
b) Having a candle-lit dinner
c) Country line dancing
d) Shopping
12) I want to date a(n):
a) Lawyer
b) Engineer
c) Crew-chief at the local JuffyLube
d) Anyone who owns a shoe store
13) I really admire:
a) My parents, for bringing me up right
b) My teachers, for teaching me about life
c) The makers of Velveeta
d) Zsa Zsa Gabor
14) What attracted me most to you (physically) is/are your:
a) Massive chest
b) Tight buns
c) Tattoo collection
d) Credit cards
15) What attracted me most to you (mentally) is/are your:
a) Sparkling wit
b) Open mind
c) Deep understanding of power tools
d) Huh?
16) I really get turned on when you:
a) Are with me
b) Kiss my neck
c) Imitate Beavis and Butt-Head
d) Do the dishes
17) I can't live without:
a) The support of friends
b) Oxygen
c) Entertainment Tonight
d) Makeup
18) If you were really depressed, I would:
a) Listen to your problems
b) Rub your back
c) Get you drunk
d) Laugh
19) My favorite television programs are:
a) NYPD Blue and Home Improvement
b) MST3K, Roseanne, and Star Trek: TNG
c) This Week In Monster Truck Racing and AmericaUs Most Wanted
d) Lifestyles of the Cruel and Unusual
20) My favorite pig out food is:
a) Low-fat yogurt
b) Haagen Dasz
c) Gummi worms
d) A man's still quivering heart
21) A man should know where I keep my:
a) House keys
b) Erogenous zones
c) Ear-wax remover
d) Guns
22) I would rather die a slow painful death than:
a) Betray a confidence
b) Betray my country
c) Miss "Wheel of Fortune"
d) Spend one more minute with you
23) The most hellish,vile place on Earth is:
a) Bosnia-Herzegovina
b) Texas
c) Anyplace with less than 40 channels of cable
d) Your bedroom
24) The one phrase I would love to hear is:
a) "Congratulations, Madame President"
b) "Ohmygod, that is the winning lottery ticket!"
c) "Wow! I've never seen a woman spit tobacco that far!"
d) "What we can't figure out is how the arsenic got in his food in the first place."
25) If a man was to propose to me, I would:
a) Cry
b) Call my mother
c) Be pregnant
d) Giggle uncontrollably
Please write a 300 word essay on the theme: "A Woman's Role In the Relationship: Helpmate or Saboteur"
Please attach references, a current picture, and a blood sample.
COMENTARIO: Sería interesante contestar un cuestionario como éste...
Dogs, Cats and Light Bulbs
COLOCADO POR: * irenic * (Rowland Croucher)
FECHA: 15 May 2006 09:58:26 +1000 (14 May 19:58:26 -0400)
MESSAGE-ID: <4467c41d$0$6395$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au>
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture (how true)!
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: "Yo quiero Taco Bulb." Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."
12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
13. Australian Cattle Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
"How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!
DEPT OF TRANSPORT DRIVING INITIATIVE
COLOCADO POR: ron
FECHA: 23 May 2006 21:02:59 +0100
MESSAGE-ID: <b6KdnUrb-MDy9-7ZnZ2dnUVZ8tOdnZ2d@bt.com>
DEPT OF TRANSPORT DRIVING INITIATIVE
RE-LAUNCHED, MAY 2006.
Information Release.
As part of an ongoing Government initiative to improve the quality of driving in England the Department of Transport are re-launching their scheme to identify poor drivers and give good drivers the opportunity to recognise them whilst on the roads.
It comes into effect as from the middle of May 2006 and applies those drivers who are found to be driving badly which includes:
Overtaking in dangerous places;
Tailgating the car in front;
Stopping sharply;
Speeding in residential areas;
Pulling out without indication;
Performing 'u' turns inappropriately in busy high streets;
Under taking on motorways;
Taking up more than one lane in multi lane roads,
Parking in disabled spaces and
Using a mobile phone whilst driving.
These drivers will be issued with flags, white with a red cross, signifying their inability to drive properly.
These flags must be clipped to a door of the car and be visible to all other drivers and pedestrians.
Those drivers who have shown particularly poor driving skills will have to display a flag on each side of the car to indicate their greater lack of skill and general lower intelligence mindset to the general public.
Please circulate this to as many other motorists as you can so that drivers and pedestrians will be aware of the meaning of these flags.
Department of Transport.
COMENTARIO: Yo no sé cómo ustedes lo vean, pero me parece una buena idea para implantarla en Puerto Rico... ¡Lo único malo es que nos quedaríamos escasos de banderas!
The wise old Mother Superior from county...
COLOCADO POR: John
FECHA: 26 May 2006 09:43:15 -0600 +0100
MESSAGE-ID: <34995445@spectrumdata.com>
The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother", the nuns pleaded, "Please give us some wisdom before you die". She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow".
COMENTARIO: ¡Milagro! ¡Milagro! ¡Milagro!
Hair Remover
COLOCADO POR: Charles Oakes
FECHA: 24 May 2006 19:30:01 -0800 +0100
MESSAGE-ID: <S17ed.6de9@netfunny.com>
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair remover that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"
COMENTARIO: Bueno ¿y qué? Independientemente de cómo se interprete... ¡el Padre no mintió!
Two Divorced Guys
COLOCADO POR: aFunnyStuff.com
FECHA: 30 May 2006 21:26:46 -0800 +0100
MESSAGE-ID: <1149049606.287627.180370@i39g2000cwa.googlegroups.com>
These two guys had just gotten divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader`s store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one`s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.
The guys asked "What`s that board for?" The trader said, "Well, where you`re going there are no women and you might need this." They said, "No way! We`ve sworn off women for life!" The trader said, "Well, take the boards with you, and if you don`t use them I`ll refund your money next year. "Okay," they said and left. The next year this guy came into the trader`s store and said, "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said, "Weren`t you in here last year with a partner?"
"Yeah" said the guy. "Where is he?" asked the trader. "I killed him," said the guy. Shocked, the trader asks, "Why?" To which the guy replies, "I caught him in bed with my board!"
COMENTARIO: ¡Qué bonito! Me imagino que el próximo tema "de interés" en el show de Cretina... ¡perdón!... Cristina será algo así como esto: "¡Yo Me Acosté con el 'Board' de mi Mejor Amigo!"...
One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl...
COLOCADO POR: John
FECHA: 30 May 2006 09:09:32 -0600 +0100
MESSAGE-ID: <32971315@spectrumdata.com>
One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it's a po-leece roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', okay?" said Earl.
They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Have you boys been drinking?"
"No sir," said Earl, "we're on the patch."
COMENTARIO: Una pena que no hagan un patch para curar la estupidez...
Created on May 7, 2006. Last updated on June 4, 2006. © 2006 Luis Daniel Beltrán-Burgos. All Rights Reserved.