En el 2007... ¡seguimos echando pa'lante!
Diciembre de 2006
¿Cómo empezó la tradición de poner un Angelito en la punta del árbol de Navidad?
COLOCADO POR: Antonio Oliveros Fernández
FECHA: 12 Dec 2006
Era uno de aquellos días terribles para Santa...
Todo empezó cuando despertó gimiendo con un dolor de cabeza terrible. Pero con tantas cosas que hacer antes de la Nochebuena, no había ninguna forma de poder permitirse un tiempo libre para descansar con tantas cosas por hacer. Ya estaba bastante retrasado con la producción de juguetes, y probablemente tendría que saltarse algunos países este año. Lo primero que le paso al saltar fuera de la cama, fue que encontró sus zapatillas hechas pedazos por el perro.
Abrió el armario y no pudo encontrar nada de ropa de trabajo limpia. Cuando fue a lavarse los dientes, el cepillo de dientes eléctrico se rompió, lastimándole la boca. Después, entró en la cocina para tomar su desayuno, sólo para encontrar una nota de su esposa, en la que le decía que ella estaba cansada de que la trataran como su sirvienta, que en toda la época navideña ni caso le hacia, por lo que se iba a casa de su madre y que de ahora en adelante, él debería preparar su propio desayuno.
Santa se encontraba ya bastante molesto, el café se había acabado y se le quemó el pan tostado, y cuando se asomo por la ventana, se encontró que todos los enanos obreros de su taller se encontraban en huelga pidiendo más dinero y menos trabajo. Suspirando, salió para ver lo que podría hacer para calmar los ánimos de los huelguistas cuando al pasar junto al corral de los renos, se dio cuenta que el cuidador se había emborrachado el día anterior y había dejado escapar a todos sus renos voladores. Las cosas simplemente no marchaban a su manera...
Refunfuñando y murmurando siguió hacia donde estaban los enanos para ver si podia arreglar las cosas, cuando de repente, un angelito cargando un pino pequeño sobre su hombro se le acerco y le pregunto:
"Padre de la Navidad, padre de la Navidad qué quiere usted que haga yo con este arbolito?"
Y ahora usted sabe cómo empezó la tradición de poner un ángelito en la punta del árbol de Navidad.
COMENTARIO: Y seguramente el angelito se estará preguntando, "¿Quién ... me mandó a abrir la boca?"
León Poeta
COLOCADO POR: El Meda
FECHA: 16 Dec 2006
Una mañana en la selva, el león se despertó con ganas de recitar poesías.
Como a nadie le gusta un león enojado, todos los animales se pusieron alrededor de él, mientras este recitaba:
- "Oveja, Oveja.. ven y bésame la oreja"...
Y como la oveja no quería tener problemas, fue y le besó la oreja. Mientras tanto el león seguía:
- "Serpiente, Serpiente... ven y bésame la frente"...
Y como la serpiente tampoco quería tener problemas, fue y le besó la frente. El león continuo:
- "Piojo, Piojo...ven y bésame en un ojo"......
El piojo no quiso problemas y lo besó en un ojo... De pronto, el león notó un movimiento rápido entre la hojas, y de inmediato exclamó:
-¡NO HUYAS, PINCHE SAPITO!....
COMENTARIO: ¡Ay león, ay león, que tú te has vuelto...!
Los Conejos
COLOCADO POR: El Meda
FECHA: 18 Dec 2006
En una carretera, una familia viaja en un coche. De repente en el camino encuentran a un indio con un conejo en la mano y un letrero que decia:
-"Conejos a $50.00 pesos"
El niño inmediatamente le pide a su padre que se pare, a lo cual su padre accede y se detiene frente al puesto de venta de conejos, el niño inmediatamente se baja a ver los conejos, el padre y la madre bajan despues y comienzan a discutir el precio con el indio, cuando repentinamente el niño pregunta:
-Disculpe señor, ¿como se cogen los conejos?
A lo que el indio se le queda viendo, voltea a ver a los padres del niño, voltea a ver nuevamente al niño y le contesta:
- Mira niño, el conejito comienza a corretear a la conejita y cuando esta ya no puede correr mas, la va acorralando y luego se le acerca por detras y le levanta la...
Inmediatamente, el padre al ver que la pregunta de su hijo fue malinterpretada por el indio, aclara:
- No, no señor, mi hijo se refiere a como se cazan.
El indio se le queda viendo asombrado al padre y por ultimo voltea a ver al niño y le dice:
- Ahhhhhh! no niño, los conejos no son pendejos, ellos no se casan, nomas cogen...
COMENTARIO: Tal vez los conejos no sean... esteeeeeeeeee... eso que este indio dice, ¡pero parece que él lo es!
Cadena de sexo
COLOCADO POR: El Meda
FECHA: 23 Dec 2006
CADENA DE SEXO.
USTED TAMBIEN PODRA GOZAR DE SEXO HASTA EL HARTAZGO A LOS 4 DIAS DE RECIBIR ESTA CARTA. Siempre y cuando continúe con la cadena, ya que gracias a su colaboración, este mail dará la vuelta al mundo para salvar a la humanidad de una inminente esterilización colectiva.
ADVERTENCIA
Esto no es ninguna broma.
No envíe dinero. Envíe copias de este mail dentro de las próximas 96 horas a hombres que necesiten remojar la brocha o a mujeres que necesiten limpieza de tubería.
CONSECUENCIAS
Estas son algunos casos de gente que intentó romper la cadena:
Mercedes Catanneo , una chica de 24 anos muy, muy tímida y muy bonita, pero muy desafortunada en el amor a causa de su problema de comunicación con el prójimo, el año pasado recibió por e-mail una copia de esta carta. Inmediatamente, pensó que había encontrado la solución a su problema. Rápidamente retransmitió el mensaje a todos sus amigos en otras empresas y compañeros de oficina. Gracias a su rápido reaccionar. Mercedes hoy coge con todos sus jefes, compañeros, amigos y vecinos, en el momento que ella lo desee, sin importar su problema de comunicación.
Dennis Rolando, un estudiante de medicina, quien recibio esta carta e intentó cortar la cadena, una tarde contrató los servicios de una prostituta. A los pocos dias a Dennis se le empezó a caer el asunto y a las dos semanas tuvieron que intervenirlo quirúrgicamente y cortar la mitad de su miembro. Hoy es toda una señorita.
Horacio Terrasal, albañil, recibió copia de esta carta y nunca la paso porque penso que se trataba de la broma de un amigo. Un dia, trabajando en su obra estaba cortando una viga con una sierra, y desafortunadamente se le escapó de las manos y provocó que la viga brincara y le diera un fuerte golpe de lleno en los testículos. Horacio quedó tendido varias horas. Luego de aplicarse hielo y darse un fuerte masaje, siguió trabajando sin hacer mayor caso de su accidente. A los 2 dias, sus testículos estaban totalmente inflamados y morados. Cuando decidió acudir al médico ya era muy tarde, dado el avanzadísimo nivel de gangrena. Se los extirparon. Hoy Horacio es un exitoso modisto que vive en el extranjero.
Después de pasar esta carta a un operario de una compañia de servicios públicos de nombre Julián Martino, quien interrumpió la cadena, se le trabó la verga en una maquina ordeñadora y experimentó la serie de orgasmos más larga de su vida, pero se le secaron los testiculos.
Diego Jaime Sued, un onanista compulsivo desempleado, recibió la carta y olvidó que tenia que mandarla antes de 96 horas. Su esposa fue a jugar boliche con su mejor amigo y nunca más volvió. Meses después, al encontrar la carta, mandó las 10 copias. A los pocos días conoció a otra mujer y descubrió que su esposa, a quien todos esos años había considerado una maravilla, había sido en la cama como una foca muerta.
Valeria Olmos, una solterona de 45 años, recibió una copia de esta carta pero nunca la leyó, interrumpiendo la cadena de forma inadvertida. Una noche, mientras se entretenia con un consolador eléctrico, un pico muy fuerte en la corriente eléctrica afectó a todos los aparatos electricos de su casa, incluyendo el consolador que ella estaba usando en ese momento. El aparato explotó, provocandole gravísimas heridas en el interior de su vagina, dejandole clavadas gran cantidad de esquirlas. Luego de varios meses de hospitalizacion, Valeria volvio a su casa, encontro la carta, la leyó y mando sus diez copias. A los dos meses, Valeria se estaba mudando a casa de su novio.
Gastón Villaflor Sánchez, analista de sistemas, un dia vió tirado en el piso un papel que de inmediato le llamó la atencion. Lo levantó enseguida y se dió cuenta de que era una copia de esta carta. Luego de leerla, la hizo bola y la tiró de nuevo. A la semana siguiente fue atacado por una pandilla que le quitó todas sus pertenencias y su dinero, y por si fuera poco, fue violado por todos los integrantes de la banda en repetidas ocasiones, lo cual lo dejó con el asunto mas floreado que una margarita. De ahí su posterior cambio de apellido.
RECUERDE...
Debe mandar por lo menos 10 copias de esta carta dentro de las primeras 96 horas de haberla recibido. Los que lo hagan tendrán una vida sexual plena e intensa. Los que no, se verán condenados a pasar largas horas en compania de revistas, videos y utensilios mecánicos.
COMENTARIO: Pues yo lo siento por quien me enmvió esta cadena, ¡pero me arriesgo! ¡Si por mí llueve, que escampe!
Patrolling
COLOCADO POR: Timantide
FECHA: 2 Dec 2006
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'"
"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'"
"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."
COMENTARIO: Bueno, por lo menos ambos soldados llegaron a un happy medium...
Have you ever danced?
COLOCADO POR: Stipo
FECHA: 4 Dec 2006
An old prospector walk's his tired old mule into this western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a gunslinger walked out of the saloon. He had a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other hand he looked at the old man and laughed.
Then he said, "Hey old man have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at him and said, "No I never did dance, I just never did want to".
A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said "Well you old fool you're gonna dance now". And he started shooting at the old man's feet. The old man was hopping around and every body was laughing. He fired his last bullet then holstered his gun and he turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man reached up on the mule got his shotgun and pulled the hammer's back making a clicking sound. The gunslinger heard this then every thing got quiet. He turned around and was looking at both barrels aimed at him. The old man asked him, " Did you ever kiss a mule right on the ass?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No, but I've always wanted to."
COMENTARIO: Probablemente, el pistolero preferirá de ahora en adelante enfrentarse a tiros con la ley en lugar de... esteeeeeeeeee... ¡en lugar de esto!
Gimme A Cookie
COLOCADO POR: Timantide
FECHA: 5 Dec 2006
Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight.
He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie with him on his next visit.
When he was being examined the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and finally the cookie up the guy's ass. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy.
This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie up his ass.
Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a mallet for the next visit.
The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient's ass.
After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his asshole and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!
COMENTARIO: O sea, además de "solitaria", ¿bravucona?
The Monkey And The Accident
COLOCADO POR: Timantide
FECHA: 8 Dec 2006
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes," nodded the Monkey.
"What else?" asked the officer.
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth, sucking inward quickly.
"They were smoking marijuana too?" said the officer.
"Yes," nodded the Monkey.
"What else?" queried the officer.
The monkey motioned with his fingers...
"Having sex! They were having sex, too!?" asked the astounded officer.
"Yes," nodded the monkey.
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and having sex before they wrecked?"
"Yes," the Monkey nodded.
"What were you doing during all this?" asked the Officer.
"Driving," motioned the monkey.
Sean And Kylie
COLOCADO POR: Timantide
FECHA: 8 Dec 2006
Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Kylie said, "Sean, if I am not being too forward, I'd love to have sex with an older man. Let's go back to my place."
So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I'm sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my dick in your right hand." Kylie looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay". He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, "Kylie, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my balls in your left hand, and my Dick in your right hand." Kylie is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing.
Once it's all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Kylie asks "Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your dick in my right stimulate you while you're sleeping?" Sean replies, "No, but the last time I slept with a slut from Melbourne, she stole my wallet."
COMENTARIO: O sea, que más sabe el 007 original por viejo que...
Trip to the Doctor's Office
COLOCADO POR: Stipo
FECHA: 11 Dec 2006
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... A new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... Size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... Size 36."
Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I've got you there; I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
New suit - $400. New shirt - $36. New underwear - $6.
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
COMENTARIO: Así que ya lo saben, la próxima vez consulte con su sastre antes que con su médico...
The Candle
COLOCADO POR: Stipo
FECHA: 12 Dec 2006
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?"
She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."
The Father asked, "And be there any wee little ones yet?"
She replied, "No, not yet, Father."
The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband."
She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father." They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"
The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!"
The Father said, "That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?"
She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer flippin' candle."
COMENTARIO: ¡Ea rayo! Esa vela (cirio) dura un montón...
Twins
COLOCADO POR: Timantide
FECHA: 14 Dec 2006
There were these two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of an old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistaked him for John and stated, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about the boat, said, "Hell no, fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her, she was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The damn fools all tried to get in her at once and she split right up the damn middle!!!"
The old woman fainted.
COMENTARIO: ¡Pero qué clase de morones!
Evangelical Request
COLOCADO POR: Larry Krzewinski
FECHA: 14 Dec 2006
One night Mos decided to go to a revival meeting. An evangelist asked the people in line what they needed. Mos's request was for his hearing. The evangelist spit on his finger, put it in Mos's ear, prayed for him and asked him, "How's your hearing?"
Mos replied, "I don't know. It's not until next Tuesday."
COMENTARIO: ¡Adios, cara'! ¿Y en que clase de hearing estaba pensando el evangelista?
Gotta love those Italians!!
COLOCADO POR: VH
FECHA: 19 Dec 2006
An Italian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. After hanging up he's grinning from ear to ear and orders a round of drinks for everyone, announcing that his wife had given birth to a typical Italian baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh 25 pounds but the Italian guy just shrugs, "That's about average back home—like I said, my boy's a typical Italian bambino."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW". One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later he returns to the bar.
The bartender says, "Say, aren't you're the father of that typical Italian boy that weighed 25 pounds? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks—so how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled concerned and a little suspicious. "What happened? I thought he weighed 25 pounds when he was born!"
The Italian father takes a long swig of Sambuca, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says.....
"We had him circumcised."
COMENTARIO: ¿Así que las ocho libras restantes eran de... "pellejo"?
The Facts Of Life
COLOCADO POR: Timantide
FECHA: 21 Dec 2006
A man walking his son in the park one day came upon two dogs humping. The son turns to his dad and asks, "Dad what are those dogs doing?" The dad says, "Son I'm about to teach you a very important thing about life, what them dogs are doing is..."
The father can't do it. He thinks of all the questions his son will have. He tries again, "Son them two dogs are..." He stops again and decides to wait until the boy is older.
"Son, you see that dog on top, well his two front paws are hurt and that dog on the bottom is helping him home." The son turns to his father and says, "You're right dad, that is a very important thing in life to learn."
The dad asks, "Do you know why that is, son?"
The son replies, "Because every time you try to help someone out you always get screwed."
COMENTARIO: Yo no quiero sonar pesimista, pero a mí me parece que el niño tiene TODA la razón...
Name The Baby
COLOCADO POR: Timantide
FECHA: 21 Dec 2006
This young woman brought her child into Children's Hospital for a routine check-up. On the records, the nurse saw that the child's first name was Urine (pronounced Urin-ie). Not wanting to be rude, but wanting to know why this woman would name her child this, the nurse asked her how Urine got her name.
The woman explained, "Well, my baby was born premature and had to stay in the special nursery. She was real sick and they didn't know if she would make it. I couldn't decide what to name her, but the nurses said they would pray for her. One day I came in and there was this paper on her incubator that said 'Please save Urine', so I knew that they had named my baby."
COMENTARIO: ¡Caray! A esta paciente, yo le hubiera colocado sobre la cama del hospital un letrero que dijera algo así como... Please save BRAIN. ¡Pero qué señora más BRUUUUUUUUUUTAAAAAAAAAA!
A Christmas Card for You
COLOCADO POR: Larry Krzewinski
FECHA: 19 Dec 2006
How Santa knows if you've been really good
You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better not pout
I'm telling you why...
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.
He's bugging your house
He's reading your mail
He's keeping a file
And running a tail...
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.
He hears you in your bedroom
Surveils you at the mall
And if that doesn't get the goods
Then he'll use provocateurs!
So—you mustn't assume
That you are secure,
'cause on Christmas Eve
he'll kick in your door!
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone!
Best wishes,
The NSA
Missed Calls
COLOCADO POR: Herby Hönigsperger
FECHA: 22 Dec 2006
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit. She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site.
After Junior had called, he got back to Mummy to inform her that there was a woman that had answered Daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching Dad on the mobile.
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and then she slapped him again, for good measure!
People from the neighbourhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was. Mummy asked Junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said, "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please try again later..."
COMENTARIO: ¡Caramba! Yo pensaba en principio que la estupidez era contagiosa... ¡pero ahora resulta que corre en la familia!
Pilot Humor
COLOCADO POR: Stipo
FECHA: 25 Dec 2006
With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus' sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve.
The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good.
He checks the harness and it looks okay.
He checks the sleigh and it is also okay.
Then he says, "Santa, lets take it up for a check ride and if everything looks good I'll certify you to fly."
Santa hitches the reindeer up and taxis onto the runway and, just as he's starting his takeoff slide, he looks over and notices the inspector has a pump shotgun on his lap. "Hey! What's the shotgun for!?" Santa yells.
The FAA inspector says, "Well, Santa, I'm really not supposed to tell you this, but there is going to be a simulated engine failure on takeoff."
COMENTARIO: Y al inspector de la FAA, ¿no se le hubiera ocurrido algo mejor, como colar alguno de los ayudantes de Santa Claus como "terrorista" y que éste amenazara con hacer estrellar el trineo contra algún edificio importante? Digo, es sólo una sugerencia...
Penthouse PET
COLOCADO POR: Tom Betz
FECHA: 31 Dec 2006 (originally appeared in first quarter, 1989)
The personal computer industry was rocked recently when Penthouse Magazine merged with Commodore Computers. The joint venture will introduce a new product, the Penthouse PET, billed as a "VERY personal computer designed to satisfy a variety of users' needs."
Planning a new line of velvet and satin software, the company's Times Square R&D facility is working on applications packages for the home entertainment market. One of the niftier applications is a word processing package called SLEAZY WRITER which can generate an almost infinite number of Penthouse Magazine Forum letters using a vocabulary of only fifty words. Other packages include Accounts Painable, Visi-Crotch, a Eunuchs Operating System, Electronic Male, and a graphics package featuring 200 different shades of pink. A user friendly language called VIRGIN will guide first timers every step of the way.
One of the main research thrusts is to develop a warm man-machine interface. According to Penthouse sources, erotica is simply an extension of ergonomics. The PET terminal has been designed with a ribbed exterior and comes in a variety of tropical colors. California publisher Blue Boy is offering an optional AC/DC power supply. A company spokesman also lauded the PET's portability. "With moisture resistant packaging, you can take your PET anywhere—you can go swimming with it, take it into the Jacuzzi, or even go to bed with it."
In addition, the Penthouse PET will be able to interface with the next generation of interactive video discs. Users will be able to pick from a wide variety of fantasies with the aid of a groan-activated selector. Of course the system comes with a joy stick as well.
For the party market, Penthouse has developed a Local Area Network called ORGYNET, which the company claims is a breakthrough in compatibility. With the ORGYNET input-output port, you can stick your plug right in. A cluster controller has also been designed to handle the interactive needs of up to four users at one time. Unlike other LANs which use a single coaxial cable, ORGYNET features a tangle of coax (OEM'd from Cox) and uses TSMA (tactile sense multiple access) to allow up to 69 users to interact with the system and each other simultaneously. Although Penthouse reports that ORGYNET can sustain prolonged interactive sessions, insiders report that the throughput peaks after about 30 seconds.
The PET will be distributed by Frederick's of Hollywood, local news stands, and Sears. Penthouse is also strong in service and maintenance; S&M will be handled by a nationwide fleet of vans equipped with a variety of whips, chains, and other tools.
The new generation of personal computers was totally anticipated by the Yankee Group consultants. From a limp beginning, the erotic information processing market has been rising in recent years and is now quite firm, although the recession has created some soft spots. Penthouse's strategy is to use its solid orders to enter the soft markets, jack up production when things get going, and pull out just before competitors come rising into the market.
COMENTARIO: Yo no sé de ustedes, pero yo prefiero mi computadora como está... ¿OK?
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En el 2007... ¡seguimos echando pa'lante!
Created on December 3, 2006. Last updated on January 7, 2007. © 2006–2007 Luis Daniel Beltrán-Burgos. All Rights Reserved.